I decided to make time to write Nehemiah's birth story now because I don't want to forget all the little details. It took me a year to write Noah's so I'd say 3 weeks is pretty good this time around!
Where to begin... I guess from the beginning! (I am long winded, so brace yourself!)
I remember waking up two mornings in a row, still half asleep, knowing that I was pregnant. It was the weirdest feeling. The even weirder thing was, by the time I woke up enough and made it to the bathroom, I forgot about the feeling, almost as if it were a dream, and didn't take a pregnancy test. The second day that I had that feeling, I did not remember until later that night and decided to go ahead and take a test. It was one of the most unconventional times, as it was 9:30 pm and my parents were 30 minutes away from our house, coming to visit for the weekend. I guess I did not really think that it would be positive, as I usually took one once a month or every other month, just to avoid surprises, and they were always negative. Well, not this one... It was very much positive.
I remember when I was pregnant with Noah, I had a whole plan of how I was going to announce it to Daniel. I got this cute "I Love you Daddy" book and recorded the whole thing. This time around, he was in the spare bathroom cleaning out the bathtub of toddler toys and I walked in with a deer in the headlights look and said,"You're not going to believe this..." Then proceeded to hand him the test. His response was, "What does this mean?" 😑 We obviously were over the moon once we got over the shock, but only had a few moments to process it all before my parents came. We wanted to wait to tell them because it was so early and we wanted to be able to tell all of our family, in person, around the same time.
I am blessed to say that I had an overall pretty easy pregnancy. Minimal morning sickness, but lots of food aversions in the first trimester. I would say that my first trimester may have been the hardest, but it was mostly all mental and emotional. I cannot fully explain the feeling, but just that I was messed up emotionally for a few weeks. I had no energy, which made me feel almost depressed and down on myself. I remember it taking everything in me just to walk up the stairs. If you know me, you know that I'm a busy body who loves to be doing something, all the time. So to have the feeling of not being motivated was depressing. Luckily after week 13, I moved on from that and started feeling pretty great.
Daniel and I actually found out the gender a few weeks before our anatomy ultrasound but kept it our little secret until Christmas when all the family was together. Then we announced it with blue silly string and a big balloon filled with confetti in my parent's backyard.
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| Val and I announced that we were BOTH expecting at Thanksgiving! |
If you know Noah's birth story, you know that I had to have a C-section because he was frank breech and we were unable to get him to flip. The doctor told me that I had a membrane in my uterus that made it almost a heart shape and said that I had a high chance of all my future babies being breech as well. At our 20 week ultrasound, sure enough, he was breech. Since I knew the chances of this were so high, it did not really come as a disappointment, I was mentally prepared to have another cesarean and was okay with that. I actually preferred it at that point.
Fast forwarding to 32ish weeks, I went to the doctor for a routine checkup and to talk about/sign consents for the delivery. In my mind, I thought that a c-section was really the only option, but she told me that he still could flip and I was a great candidate for a TOLAC (trial of labor after cesarean). I cannot praise my doctor enough for how great she was about presenting my options, letting me decide what I wanted to do, and then fully supporting me. I have learned that that is not always the case. I pretty much told her that I did not think he would flip and did not want to get my hopes up so I wanted to schedule a c-section, but would sign the TOLAC consents also just in case I went into labor earlier. After me swearing that he was still breech and her feeling and thinking that he was not, she decided to do a quick ultrasound to see who was right. Well, sure enough, he had flipped and was NOT breech. A big part of me was so excited, but another big part of me was not. With Noah, I was devastated that I wasn't going to be able to labor and deliver him myself, and God took me through this whole journey of dealing with pride and that my plans were not always His plans. Well, this time around I was upset because I had not mentally prepared myself to labor and deliver, and all along was happy with the idea of having a c-section. It was familiar, I knew the process, and I could plan. I told my doctor that I would still like to have the surgery date set and would think about all my options and talk to my husband about it. I really wanted her to just tell me which way was the better option, but of course, she did not.
I went home to talk about everything with Daniel, secretly hoping that he would tell me the better option, but he too just wanted to support whatever I decided to do. Why was I battling this so much? Why was it such a hard decision for me to make? I couldn't stop thinking about the risks of laboring after a previous c-section. The thought of me laboring and losing my baby or something happening to me that could have been totally prevented if I had just done the surgery. The horror stories of traumatic labor and post-delivery recovery that I had heard from people that I knew. The thought of, if I go into labor, who will watch Noah? I had a list of people, but what if no one was available when the time actually came. Scheduling a c-section would be so convenient. I already had the date set and all of our family had made plans to be here.
I decided to call a sweet friend of mine, who I respect and trust so much, who had multiple previous c-sections and naturally delivered her last one. After I had Noah, I remember her talking to me about VBACing with my next, but not really giving it much thought after that. She listened to me and all my concerns and fears and helped me talk through it all. She shared her experience, encouraged me, prayed for me, and said she would support me regardless of my decision.
I knew it was my decision, but I just did not want to make the wrong one. I thought and prayed a lot about it and knew that God was once again taking me on a journey of giving up control, but also giving me the opportunity to do what my heart had so deeply wanted before having Noah. I had no pride about laboring and delivering this time around; in fact, I had fear and uncertainty. The next morning I felt a peace about the whole thing and knew that I needed to cancel the c-section date. God had created my body to deliver babies and there was no medical reason why I should not be able to. I knew it was more about the fear and lack of control that I was clinging to. I felt bad calling my family and telling them that I had canceled the date because many of them had already asked off of work and made arrangements to be here, but I knew that they understood and fully supported my decision.
To be continued...
Bumpdate Pictures!
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| 19 weeks |
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| 20 weeks |
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| 24 weeks |
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| 26 weeks |
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| 28 weeks |
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| 29 weeks |
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| 32 weeks |
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| Me-33 weeks Val-27 weeks |
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| 34 weeks |
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| 35 weeks |
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| 35 weeks |
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| 37 weeks |
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| 38 weeks |
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39 weeks and last picture as a family of 3!
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